


Not the One

by Stacy LA Stronach (slashgirl)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1997-12-17
Updated: 1997-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-27 11:22:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashgirl/pseuds/Stacy%20LA%20Stronach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim makes an important discovery too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the One

**Author's Note:**

> Again, warning: death of a main character.

Blair looked up from the papers he was marking, watching Jim getting ready to leave the loft. He obviously had a hot date, again, he was wearing a deep crimson silk shirt, and very tight black jeans. Blair felt a twinge of jealousy, as he asked, "You gotta hot date tonight, Jim?"

"Yes," Jim replied, grabbing his coat off the hook and heading out the door.

Blair sighed with exasperation. This had been going on for a few weeks, Jim going out almost every night, not getting in til late, and he wouldn't tell Blair a single thing about the woman he was seeing. Deciding that he'd try and find out what was going on, Blair got up, grabbed his coat and keys, heading for his car.

As Jim drove the truck through the traffic, he glanced in his rear view mirror, then looked again. Damnit, Sandburg was trying to follow him! He'd figured this would happen eventually, the younger man was so damn nosey, and Jim could tell it bugged him that he wasn't sharing all with Blair. It didn't take Jim long to lose Blair, after all the younger man wasn't a cop.

Blair slammed his hands against the steering wheel when he realized he'd lost Jim. He should've known better than to try and tail a cop, especially one with Jim's senses. As he drove home, he started to worry about how Jim would react to this, he'd probably kill him, Blair figured he'd try the innocent act, hopefully it would work.

When Jim arrived home around midnight, Blair was still up, working on a lesson. Blair braced himself for the angry lecture he was sure was coming, but Jim merely said goodnight and went up to his room, leaving a slightly confused Blair looking after him. Blair wondered why Jim hadn't said anything about his trying to follow him, but he wasn't about to ask.

That Thursday, at the station, Jim told Blair he was going away for the weekend. Trying to be casual, Blair asked, "Oh, where are you going, man?"

"To visit a friend of mine."

"Ohhh, I see, so you're going to stay with your new girlfiend, huh?"

If looks were lethal, Blair would've been very close to death. "Believe what you want to, Chief," Jim replied.

"Jim, c'mon, you can tell me about her, hell, I'd love to meet her, she must be pretty special--"

Blair shut up when Jim leaned over the desk, his jaw clenching, and in a low, angry voice, said, "Maybe I just want to have a little bit of a private life, Chief. To have a part of my life that you don't know about, can't interfere with, can't test! Do you get it?"

Simon, who'd been watching the exchange from his office door, saw Blair's face fall, saw the deep hurt in those blue eyes. "Ellison, my office. Now!" he barked.

Obeying his Captain's summons, Jim went into Simon's office. Closing the door and making sure the blinds were drawn, Simon went over behind Jim and enfolded the smaller man in a hug. "You shouldn't be so harsh with Blair, he's just trying to be a friend, Jim."

Placing his arms over Simon's and relaxing into the embrace, Jim replied, "I know, Simon, it's just been such a long week, and sometimes I can't handle his prying."

"Well, starting tomorrow night, you'll be able to sit back and relax, for the entire weekend. I'll spoil you," Simon said, turning Jim to face him, capturing his mouth for a quick, chaste kiss. Jim sighed, laying his head on Simon's shoulder, enjoying the feeling of being in this man's arms.

After a few minutes, Jim spoke, "I guess I should get back to work, huh, Captain."

"Yes, I suppose you should, Detective," Simon replied, smiling, and releasing the other man.

Blair waited until Jim was sitting down, "Jim, look, about earlier, I'm sorry for prying, you were right, man, it ain't any of my business."

"Apology accepted, Chief, and I shouldn't have come down on you so hard. It's just that this relationship is new, and special to me, and I need time with it."

"Hey, man, I understand, it's okay," Blair replied. Although he had apologized to Jim, Blair was still determined to find out who this woman was, and why Jim didn't want him to meet her. So, when Jim had to go down to forensics to pick up some files, Blair made a quick call to a car rental agency.

Friday morning at breakfast, Blair begged off going into the station, claiming he had some work to catch up on at the university, which wasn't really a lie. However, Blair had other plans for that afternoon, and he didn't want Jim to suspect anything.

Blair arrived at the station about a half hour before Jim was due to leave, and looking in the parking garage, he saw the truck was still there. *Thank the gods he didn't decide to leave early.* Blair thought as he sat in the rental car, waiting for Jim to come out. He knew the older man would be going straight to his galpal's cus he'd taken his stuff with him this morning.

At a little after 4, Blair saw Jim's truck pull out of the parking garage and he started the car and followed at a discreet distance. He had his hair pulled back, a ballcap, and sunglasses on, hoping that if Jim did notice him, he wouldn't recognize him.

Jim looked in his rearview mirror, he was checking for the Corvair, figuring Blair might try to follow him again, so he paid no attention to the burgundy Corsica which was well behind him.

When Jim arrived at Simon's he pulled the truck into the garage, smiling when he saw Simon come out to greet him. Simon enfolded the younger man into his arms, pressing his lips hard against Jim's, his tongue demanding entrance to that sweet mouth. Moaning, Jim acquiesced, loving the feel of Simon's velvety tongue, searching his mouth, tasting him. Jim's tongue snaked into Simon's mouth, savouring the flavours there, from the taste of just "Simon" to the taste of the beer Simon'd just had, coffee from earlier, and...pineapple? Breaking the kiss, Jim asked, "You had a pineapple danish this afternoon, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

"Simon, you know how much I hate pineapple! I wish you wouldn't eat it, it seems like I can taste in on you for days after!" Jim whined. "And you're supposed to be watching your cholesterol!"

"I'm sorry, but I've really grown to like them. Besides, they're the only kind you won't steal from me!" Simon replied, and both men laughed, as Simon took Jim's hand and lead him into the house.

Blair sat in the Corsica, looking into Simon's garage with a look of mostly dismay, with a little amazement. He couldn't believe what he'd just seen. Jim. And Simon. Kissing. Like there was no tomorrow. Blair drove back to the rental agency in a kind of daze, not knowing what to think, or what to do about his discovery.

Jim turned over, so he was laying facing Simon, as they stretched out on the couch, and placed a kiss on his lover's mouth, his tongue demanding entrance, which it received. Simon returned the kiss, his hands sliding down Jim's body, loving the feel of his lover's flesh under his hands, and slid his hands under Jim's sweat pants, grabbing his ass and grinding Jim against him. Even through the cloth of their sweatpants, Jim could feel the heat of Simon's erection against his, it made him groan. Breaking the kiss, Jim licked and kissed his way to Simon's ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth, scraping it with his teeth as he released it, blowing across the wet flesh, making Simon squirm. "I want you, Simon, I want you to fuck me," Jim whispered in Simon's ear, feeling the shiver it caused in the other man.

"Yes, my love, but let's go up to the bedroom," Simon replied. Once there, the two men undressed each other, and Simon gently lowered Jim onto the bed, covering him with his body, capturing his mouth in a kiss. Simon slowly kissed his way down Jim's neck, leaving a couple of love bites on the way. Moving down, he gently nipped one of Jim's nipples, making the smaller man arch off of the bed and moan. Leaving a wet trail as he kissed his way across Jim's abdomen, Simon delighted in the feeling of Jim's muscles rippling in reaction.

Jim closed his eyes, he didn't know how much more of this he could take, the feel of Simon's mouth on his body was like a sweet torture, his hands softly stroking the areas of his body that his mouth wasn't touching. The smell of Simon's arousal flooded his senses and he could hear their hearts beating, in unison. Jim almost came when he felt Simon's mouth sucking on his balls and then move up to lick the underside of Jim's erection. "Oh Simon, pleasepleaseplease!" Jim begged.

Simon licked the precum of Jim's cock, then sucked the head into his mouth, before taking the entire length in his mouth, he moved up and down the length a few times, before letting it go. Jim whimpered in protest, as Simon moved up to kiss him, and reached into the nightstand for the lube and condoms. Simon spread the lube on his fingers, and pushed them into Jim, preparing him. Jim lifted his legs over Simon's shoulders, and started thrusting against the fingers in his ass, moaning when Simon removed them. As Simon quickly rolled the condom over his erection, Jim growled, "Fuck me hard, Simon, do it!"

Simon complied, driving his cock all the way into Jim on the first thrust, and started a hard, fast rhythm, stroking Jim's cock in time with his thrusting into the other man. He loved the feeling of being inside Jim, and Simon loved that he could fuck Jim so hard. Jim was the first lover he'd ever had who was anywhere near his own size, and it was a wonderful feeling to not have to worry about hurting his partner. With all the stimulation it didn't take long for Jim to orgasm, with a rough, throaty scream, causing his ass to squeeze Simon, making the older man come with a hard thrust into Jim. Simon moaned, and they just lay there for a few minutes, panting, trying to settle down. Finally, Simon withdrew from his lover, and, after discarding the condom, lay down and pulled Jim into his embrace. They just held each other for a little while, trying to recover.

Simon kissed Jim's forehead, his eyelids, cheeks, finally planting a slow, lazy kiss on the other man's lips. Jim returned the kiss, loving the feeling of being so cherished by another person. "Oh, Simon, you make me feel so loved, like no other person has, I love you."

"I love you, Jim. My life has changed so much in these last few weeks... I never expected what happened, but I am so glad that it did, Jim," Simon whispered.

"I know, Simon," Jim replied, sleepily, as he snuggled in closer to his lover. The two men soon fell asleep.

On his way home from the rental agency, Blair had stopped to pick up a bottle of vodka, he wanted to have enough to drink to make him pass out, but not enough to give him a hangover. He found that after a couple large vodka's he was dead tired, but it wasn't enough alcohol to cause a hangover. As Blair sat there, sipping on his vodka and fruit juice, he got angry at Jim. *I'm the one you're supposed to love Jim, not Simon. How could you do this to me?* His more rational side shot back *How could Jim know that you wanted him, you never told him, never encouraged him, so you know there's only one person to be mad at-us*. Not liking this answer, he thought of ways he could get back at the two men for doing this to him. He thought about telling Sara MacKinley in records that he'd heard a rumour that the two men were lovers, that would make sure every one in the station heard. Or, he could tell Simon's ex-wife about the affair, she was the bitchy sort.

Blair started out of his vengeance fantasies, realizing that the last thing he would ever do is hurt Jim, he loved him, and as for Simon, well, he would never want to separate Simon from his son. Blair knew the pain that comes with not knowing your father, not being able to see him. He'd never do that to Daryl. Besides, it was Blair's own hesitation that had done this, how could Jim know how he felt, if he didn't say anything? Sometimes, Blair wished his brain had an off switch, so he wouldn't have to think about things. After he finished his second drink, he went to bed and cried himself into a deep, thankfully dreamless, sleep.

When Jim arrived back at the loft late Sunday afternoon, he was in a very good mood. Simon had kept his word, and spoiled Jim, terribly so. Jim smiled as he thought of his lover. He expected an interrogation from his Guide, but Blair merely sat on the couch, watching TV, he barely acknowledged that Jim was home.

"What Chief? No inquisition about my weekend? I'm surprised, you were so interested before," Jim teased gently.

Looking blandly at Jim, Blair spoke, quietly, "I really don't give a flying fuck what you did this weekend or who you did it with, Jim." He then turned his attention back to the TV.

"And here I was going to tell you who I'm seeing. I guess I won't now."

Blair snorted, looking at Jim disinterestedly, "What, you were going to try and shock me with the news that you're fucking Simon Banks?"

Jim turned and looked at his friend in surprise, "How the hell did you know?"

"I followed you on Friday. I rented a car, I figured the Corvair was a little obvious. And I saw you and Simon kissing. So, what's the big deal, man?"

"It doesn't bother you? I mean my being with a man, with Simon?"

"What business is it of mine who you fuck, Jim? I don't care. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about. Nobody's business but yours and Simon's," Blair said, returning his attention to the television.

Jim was worried about the change, almost radical change, in Blair's attitude. Last week he'd been itching to know who Jim was seeing, hell, he'd rented a car to follow him! And now he didn't give a damn? Sitting down beside his friend, Jim put his hand on Blair's arm to get his attention. When Blair looked at him, his eyes dull, Jim asked, "Blair, is something wrong? Did you break up with your girlfriend this weekend or something?"

"Or something. That I'd rather not discuss with you. Now, will you please leave me alone, Jim? I'm trying to watch this show."

"C'mon, Blair, you can talk to me about whatever it is, it's obviously something big. I'm your friend."

"Well, friend, maybe I don't want to fucking talk about it with you, or with anyone. Now will you please leave me alone?" Blair asked, a spark of anger in his voice.

Six weeks later....

Gathering the clothes he was taking with him to Simon's, Jim listened with half an ear as he heard his Guide finally get out of bed, then go into the bathroom and start drawing a bath. Blair had spent almost the last week huddled in his bed, barely even talking to Jim when the older man would attempt it. Jim didn't think his friend was eating all that much, either, and when he'd asked what was wrong, Blair'd mumbled something about having some sort of flu bug or something, and he refused to go see a doctor. Ever since the night Blair revealed he knew about Jim's relationship with Simon, the younger man had become more and more withdrawn, and Jim was now getting really worried, Blair was just acting so strange. He decided to talk to Simon about it this weekend, see what his lover thought he should do, Jim just felt so out of his depth when it came to things like this. As he left the loft, he called out, "Hey, Chief, I'm leaving now, see ya on Sunday," and, listening, he heard Blair's grunt of acknowledgement.

Jim was out to the truck when he realized he'd left his wallet on the kitchen table, so he went back up to get it. When he walked in, he heard Blair, moaning and crying, and he smelled something... it was blood! *My god, Blair must have hurt himself* Jim thought as he ran to the bathroom. Finding the door locked, he yelled, "Blair, are you all right? Did you hurt yourself, c'mon, open the door!"

"Go 'way, man, leave me alone," came the whispered reply. Focusing his hearing, he could tell that Blair's pulse/heart rates were much lower than normal. Without hesitating, Jim kicked the door in, and was in time to see Blair getting ready to stab a knife into his left wrist, his right wrist was already slashed, from under his palm, halfway up his forearm, blood gushing out. "Ohmigod!! Blair, what the fuck are you doing?" Jim said, rushing over and grabbing the knife from Blair's weak hand. Jim grabbed a towel, wrapped it around the wound on Blair's arm, then used Blair's t-shirt to tie it in place, trying to stop the bleeding. Picking the smaller man up out of the tub, Jim put the pair of sweat pants that were lying there, on him. He rushed for the door, going by the couch to grab the blanket off of it and wrap it around the younger man, to keep him warm.

He put his friend in the passenger side of the truck, then jumped in, turning on the sirens and lights and burned it towards the hospital. He could hear the weakness of Blair's pulse and heart beat, they were slow, but steady, and didn't seem to be falling any more. Getting his cell phone out, he dialled the hospital, telling them the situation, so they'd be waiting for him. He heard Blair mumbling under his breath, "Just let me die, I'm worthless, nobody cares about me. Just let me die, I can't stand my life anymore."

The pain in Blair's voice cut right through to Jim's soul, Gods, he should've been able to see this coming, why didn't he? Jim called Simon, his voice unsteady, "Simon, Blair just tried to kill himself, I'm taking him to Cascade General right now, please, meet me there."

"Of course, Jim, I'll be there right away," Simon said, and rushed to get to the hospital.

When Jim arrived at the hospital, the orderlies were waiting with a gurney and they carefully removed Blair from the truck then rushed him into the emergency room, with Jim following close behind.

Once inside, they made Jim stay in the waiting room, where he paced back and forth, trying to listen to what was going on, but he was so upset, he wasn't able to focus his hearing. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Simon touched him on the shoulder.

Sliding his arm around the younger man's shoulders, Simon led Jim over to sit down. "Jim, have you heard anything?" he asked quietly, trying to calm his lover down.

"No, Simon. I...I can't get my hearing to focus. Goddamn him! Why'd he have to do this? Why?" Jim whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"I don't know, Jim. I've sent Rafe and Brown over to investigate the scene. If there's a note, they'll find it. Jim, I'm so sorry this happened. I'm here, babe, I'm here for you," Simon said, holding Jim a little closer.

Forty minutes later, a tired looking woman walked into the waiting room. "Who's here for...Blair Sandburg?" she asked.

"We are," Jim said, quickly walking over to the woman. "How is he? Will--"

"I'm Dr. MacGuire, and you are...?" she asked.

"I'm his partner, we work together, um, Jim Ellison. Goddamn it doctor, how is he?" Jim demanded.

"Mr. Ellison, I'm so very sorry, but...Mr. Sandburg didn't make it, he lost far too much blood. We did the best we could..." Dr. MacGuire trailed off. She watched as the big man seemed to almost crumple in on himself, his only support the equally large black man beside him.

He couldn't believe it, Blair wouldn't leave him. Blair couldn't leave him. After a couple of minutes, Jim gained tenuous control of his emotions. "I need to see his...his body."

Simon looked at him, "Jim are sure that's such a good idea?"

"Simon, I have to see his body, or I don't think I'll ever believe it...I have to. Doctor?" he asked.

"Right this way, sir. Does Mr. Sandburg have any family we should contact?" she asked.

"He worked with the police department, Doctor. I'm Captain Simon Banks, we'll look after telling his mother," Simon said. "Jim, do you want me to come with you?"

"No, Simon, I need to do this alone, thanks," Jim answered, following the doctor down the hall.

Jim stared into the lifeless face of his partner, his friend, his Guide. Finally able to focus his hearing...he heard nothing. No heartbeat, no pulse, no respiration. It was true, Blair was gone. Jim turned and slowly walked out of the room.

Simon watched as Jim walked toward him, face devoid of all emotion, his eyes almost blank. "Jim, I want you to come, and stay at my place, tonight. I don't think you should stay by yourself."

Jim just nodded, leaning against his lover, as Simon put an arm around him and led him out to the car. "I'll send somebody for the truck, okay?"

As Simon pulled out of the hospital parking lot, Jim spoke. "Simon, I need to go back to the loft. See if he left a note or anything. I have to know why..."

"Jim, I don't think that's a very good idea. If there's anything there, Brown and Rafe will find it," Simon answered.

"Please, Simon, I need to do this," Jim said, very quietly, looking at his lover.

Simon turned his head, looking into Jim's now pain-filled blue eyes. "Okay, Jim. We'll go," he acquiesced.

When they arrived at the loft, Rafe and Brown were just finishing up their investigation. "Simon, we found this. It was addressed to Jim, so we figured we should let him open it...Not exactly procedure, I know, but..." Brown trailed off.

"It's okay, H. So, it was definitely...?" he asked.

Brown nodded, then handed the letter to Jim, and he and Rafe left, to give Jim some privacy. Sitting down on the couch, Jim, with trembling fingers, opened the letter. As he read the letter, tears started rolling down his face, and as it dropped from his fingers, he kept repeating over, and over, "No, no, no..."


End file.
